At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
