it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
