if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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