dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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