He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
