This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
