Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
