Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
