what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
