I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i drank out of a bidet.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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