So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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