Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
