but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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