That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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