OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
