its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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