the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
