You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
