i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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