I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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