That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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