Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
