I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
