Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
