God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
