im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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