She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
