my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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