she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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