I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
