I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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