Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
