What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
