This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
