there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
