my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
