At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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