He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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