Rock
Scissors
Fuck
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
