I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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