I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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