I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
