im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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