she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
