Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
