I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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