I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My balls are so social today.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
