Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
