This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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