I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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